There is uncertainty about what the two of you will talk about, about who will pay for the date, and how the date will end.In order to deal with the anxiety, your instinct might be to avoid dating altogether. You find yourself shutting down, finding faults with your potential date, or losing interest in the idea of going out with them.As a cognitive behavior therapist, I understand that anxiety is influenced by one's thinking.
The first time I threw up on a date, I had just eaten a big bowl of chili.
It was a mistake I will never make again, though I’m not sure that matters now.
Think back to instances when you've faced your anxiety and it's turned out well. The next way to help yourself deal with the uncertainty of those first few dates is to reframe your anxiety.
Often anxiety takes center stage and it feels overwhelming, so it's hard to pay attention to the rest of your feelings.
Crying and hyperventilating on a park bench for no reason apparent to anyone but you realllllly gets those dicks up!
One minute, you're having a great date at a free outdoor concert, and the next minute, your heart is pounding and you feel like you are trapped in a Ziploc bag. "Playing it cool" is straight-up not in your repertoire. There's gotta be a country where "sitting at a bar staring into space and inevitably sweat-staining the pits of your expensive Madewell top while your brain moves 100 miles an hour" is considered playing it cool. Anyone familiar with benzos (that's an #INSIDER'S term for anxiety-alleviating tranquilizers) knows that they don't mix well with alcohol. Worst case scenario, you black out and wake up at the Formica table at an Arbys in another state. And you're so worried about whether they'll like you that you barely pay any attention to whether you like them. Every time a guy doesn't text you back in the early stages of dating you assume the worst and immediately go into crisis mode. Self-consciousness interferes with spontaneity, fun and your ability to focus on your date. If you try too hard to say the perfect thing, you'll probably come across as unnatural and stilted.And besides, there will always be factors that are out of your control; for example, you just don't have much influence over the degree to which you and your date both experience the natural "chemistry" that arises between two people.I was in college at the time, 22 years old, and new to romance.I remember feeling fine as I strolled down my favorite Montreal backstreet en route to the nearby microbrewery on a warm summer afternoon. But if you are an anxious person, dating is more than intimidating -- it can be downright painful and terrifying.